im angry. so what.

dahil sa ice skating, i learned that:

"two hands are better than one."

hayy.. nakakatrauma ang pilay na ito. imagine, hindi ako nagutom kasi all i felt was the "stiffneck" that has grown on the wrong part of the patch.i look so glamorous now because i used my silver scarf to support my right arm.feeling ko, ako si ma'am stat! haha..

bukod pala sa lessons from my injury, i mean, from one of my injuries, nakakilala rin ako ng isang friend. her name was kathlene. sobrang bata niya pa at first time rin niya (tulad ko, at ni ruth, at ni lorine rin ata) pero siya pa mismo ang nag-offer na i-guide ako! nakakahiya pero amazing kasi ambait niya. siguro she's 9-10 years old.

another lesson learned-- wag ittry hawakan ang freshly grown paltos to check kung masakit...chances are..napakasakit!

amazing...andami kong natutunan sa loob ng one hour ng pag-iice skating...









so dami..





except ang mismong pag-iice skating

yeah..that's life.

naiintindihan ko nang maige kung bakit nagkabukol si dean.

i stare blankly in front of the monitor thinking of something to write. there are a lot of things going on my head right now, a lot of people i am missing right now, a lot of school works i am ought to do right now, a lot of letter keys i am pressing right now. yet the most dominant thought in my head stays unspoken.

it's like halloween all over again.

i keep on commemorating the dead, unmindful of the the epitaph that was meant to encourage me not to mourn about such loss.

indeed,heaven is a place where eternal joy can be found. and heaven prime (heaven') is where i am-- where happiness can't be found eternally. the dead goes to heaven and i stay here. and even if this isn't hell,i am sure this is just either the prequel or the sequel of it.

if there will be a corresponding ghost for every loss i had experienced, i would have a legion of them. i want them to make me strong instead of making me a coward. i want to lead this army into heaven's gate (amazing twins ba itu?!)-- somewhere i can be dead. somewhere i can be happy forever.

but for now, i will just dream about this legion on my sleep and will fear about it on my waking hours.

habang hinihintay kong pumiyok si champ habang kumakanta siya ng the day you said goodnight sa airing ng myx mo, i was once again struck by the lyrics: She's already taken (2x) she's already taken me.. (so much of a destiny.. si champ pa talaga kumakanta!)
naisip ko, oo nga. pero parang baligtad. ako kasi, he took my attention first then suddenly...(if you can call a month -suddenly) he became taken. how sad for me di ba?
pero ayos lang. i always tell myself, it was just a feeble crush with an almost stranger. but...ganun nga lang ba talaga yun?
ansarap i-quote sa diary ko yung mga statements ko na sobrang i found him so ideal. i found him so perfect, like he was the one i could really like a lot and someday, if i would be given the chance to know him better, i could even...who knows? (hehe...takas lang. i dont want to say love. but i said it anyway...).
pero yun nga, i was not given the chance. for the chance i was referring to melted away through the icy journey of my pursuit for this ideal guy.
it was icy and cold. i was so frustrated because i wanted to make him see how companionable we were. then, I was hurt because not only i was wrong about us being compatible, but i also failed on making him see me. double-dead ang babaeng stalker named anna li.
sabi nga ni kate mas malakas daw ang tama ko sa kanya kaysa kay RFE. naisip ko, oo nga. ayaw ko na rin kasing magkamali sa pagsasabing ideal man ang isang lalaki. tsaka siguro....








hinihintay ko pa silang magbreak..








tagal!hihihihi...

i had so many dreams last nyt.. maybe because i slept too long. or mabye, because of the lack thereof. (ewan..)

everytime i check on myself these days, i can't find any reason to continue the way i try to live my life right now. yeah..i enjoy my days, especially fridays! but how about everything in between fridays?! my life is empty.

i am not complaining about the lack of sensational occurences in my life. i am not ranting about losses. but i am desperately craving for excitements! for low and high moments, for breath-taking events, for life-changing decisions...things i can write about. so that i wont need any dreaming at all.

stuuuuuuupid thoughtssssss-----------------

i hate people who are striving so hard, so hard that they don't get to enjoy the beauty of being themselves. i am such a hypocrite. i have the tendency to be like them. and i hate the feeling so much! i want to scream in front of them and try to tell them that what they're saying are not the things they reaLly want to say. but duh...who am i to say that?!

i hate it when i try to fit in to a crowd composed of people who live between the boundaries of the norms. i want to be different all the time but i am damn afraid of criticisms. i...i...i...whatever!

----------------------------stuuuuuupid thoughts

i want to meet a person who will make a difference in my life. not necessarily a love interest or anything connected with that. i want someone who thinks so freely. i want someone who dares to be different and is proud of it. i want an inspiration so that i can get out of this numbing habit of fear and insecurity. i want to meet someone who wont be afraid of hurting me for the sake of inflicting more courage in me.

--------
frustrations.

i want to talk to him and get to know him. why am i so damn afraid?! i know for a fact that he's not like that dense group of cells who made me feel like a dot (for the second time around..now who's stupid?)

aftershocks..worst. in other words, lessons. knowledge, experience. ahhhh! i wish i am just an innocent girl who wants to be happy. (really?) who am i? i am a stupid girl who wants to be happy but................. (maraming conditions! pucha...)

blah blah blah... andaming sinasabi..bobo pa rin.

-------------------------------ayoko. i dont want kelly clarkson's song to be applicable on me. bleeeep*

want...want... needs?
bobostupidgaga

"The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done."