im angry. so what.

i stare blankly in front of the monitor thinking of something to write. there are a lot of things going on my head right now, a lot of people i am missing right now, a lot of school works i am ought to do right now, a lot of letter keys i am pressing right now. yet the most dominant thought in my head stays unspoken.

it's like halloween all over again.

i keep on commemorating the dead, unmindful of the the epitaph that was meant to encourage me not to mourn about such loss.

indeed,heaven is a place where eternal joy can be found. and heaven prime (heaven') is where i am-- where happiness can't be found eternally. the dead goes to heaven and i stay here. and even if this isn't hell,i am sure this is just either the prequel or the sequel of it.

if there will be a corresponding ghost for every loss i had experienced, i would have a legion of them. i want them to make me strong instead of making me a coward. i want to lead this army into heaven's gate (amazing twins ba itu?!)-- somewhere i can be dead. somewhere i can be happy forever.

but for now, i will just dream about this legion on my sleep and will fear about it on my waking hours.