im angry. so what.

isang milestone ang araw na ito sa buhay ko.
kaya sa lahat ng taong nakausap ko ngaun, salamat.

kakaiba talaga ang takbo ng araw ko.
parang hindi kay anna lee.

isa akong banta sa seguridad sa mga oras na ito
dahil kung anu-ano ang pumapasok sa isip ko.
pero wag kaung mag-alalala,
tungkol lang 'to sa sarili ko.
(wag kaung magfeeling ah! hehehe)

________________________________
when you are chained,
the only way to achieve
freedom is to accept---
accept that you have no choice
but stay there (and be hurt).
________________________________

maingay sa utak ko ngaun,
di ko maintindihan!
hmmm..masyado ko atang dinama ang
"anna lee" na song ng dream theater.
u know, "wer do u belong, anna lee"

hahahahahaha..weird weird weird! weird ako.. wag nio kong masyadong pansinin!
actually walang connection ng pagiging milestone ng araw na to sa pagiging weird ko.

hayyy..stop this nonsense! wag nio na lang i-comprehend. bilhan nio na lang ako ng colored pencils (faber castell ah!)!!

first of all, im sorry for being smarter than what you think i am capable of. dapat nag-hi ka rin sa akin leo at hindi lang kay lorine. you know what, i think this is really full of crap. you know, this..this thing. basta! whatever this is called. we are all full of ourselves. maybe blogs are to blame. why? because instantly, we have something to air our insecurities and self-inflicted horrors. we now think that everything should be understood because we already said it. yaaaack..baka that was just in my case. never mind.
i am proud to say that i have a full grasp on what is happening with us. hahahaha..we are growing apart. we have allowed ourselves to grow beyond what is normal, beyond what we can all share. we have grown to the extent that our personalities are so far from what was known. the result: each of us think that we are misunderstood. am i right?

nakakatawa na lang talaga.

let us not fool ourselves. let us not cling onto something so slippery. mapapagod lang tayo because eventually, dudulas rin tayo palayo sa isa't isa. i hate awkward moments you know. if being too frank is my flaw, papanindigan ko na. buwagin na lang natin kasi sobrang walang kwenta naman. naglolokohan na lang tayo.

i dont hate anyone. ayoko lang talaga na nahihirapan tayo sa pagkukunwari, sa pagkukubli ng tunay nating nararamdaman. i cant afford to fake a smile anymore everytime you try to give me clues that you are not happy with everything this group used to offer.

pinaparusahan lang natin ang ating mga sarili. pwede pa rin naman tayong maging friends pero wala na nga lang ang social responsibility na umatend sa mga meetings, sa mga outings, sa mga parties. hindi na rin tayo responsible na magsabihan sa isa't isa ng mga bagay bagay. im sure hindi naman tayo malulungkot dahil may iba't iba naman tayong friends. hindi naman tayo mga loosers di ba? are you enticed by the idea? ansaya nun noh? grabe..

i am just fulfilling my secretarial duties here. i am just airing each of our inner screams. siguro kahit unconsciously, pagod na rin talaga kau sa HASSLE na binibigay ng three letters na yon.

ako, sa sarili ko, ayokong buwagin ito. nasisiyahan talaga ako. pero kapag naaalala ko na may mga tao rin na nahihirapan at parang ayaw na rin naman, e di sige. fine.

let's buwag HIV yehey! ansaya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya saya

or

or we can talk about this. we can pack as many tissues as we can and all go somewhere we can talk and settle our differences. and there, on that place, we can share everything we have kept within ourselves because we used to be afraid that others wont accept them. there, we can talk about all our insecurities with each other, lahat ng inis natin ilalabas. tapos nun, we will go out of that place knowing that no matter how much we grow while we are apart, we can still be sure that when we meet again, we will still be understood. and that next time that we meet again, yun ay HIV summer outing 2006 na!

pili na!


signed by,
anna lee gonzales
HIV Secretary

closed na pla! hehehe..
P.S. i will be waiting for your choices.